INCIDENT #1
Last
night I was at the local bar. Despite the shaking because I was
starving and had low blood sugar and could easily pass for the
neighborhood alcoholic looking for a fix I was picking up take out.
And the lone man at the bar says, "Oh, for a second I thought you were wearing your pajamas."
I look down and see the Old Navy flannel pajamas with halo-ed angels on them that I stole from my cousin 5 years ago. "Yes, I am." I said.
INCIDENT #2
The morning before my daughter's christening I
dropped off a giant load of clothing and equipment for an expecting
friend. I had packed an overnight bag and then packed the car. I left
my toothbrush out, brushed for the last time and stuck it in my pocket.
I did think briefly about how odd I looked with a toothbrush jumping
out of my jean pocket but decided, "Nobody's going to notice so who
cares?"
Within two minutes of arriving at the friend's very nice Park Ave apartment building a man in Country Club-wear asked me if I'd had a rough night. Rather than explain the first four months of mothering through the night I shook my head yes and let him believe whatever story he'd concocted himself.
DID YOU HAVE A MOMENT RECENTLY WHERE YOU WERE UNDENIABLY A MOTHER EVEN THOUGH THE OFFSPRING WERE BACK AT THE HOUSE?
"Uh, Andrea..." he said, sort of nervously. "There's a pretty long trail of vomit all the way down your shoulder and back."